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Managing Conflict, In Life & Work
By Dr. Jason Armstrong and Dana Buchman, Sat Dec 10th
Copyright 2005 by Dr. Jason Armstrong and Dana Buchman “Conflict” is a word that can have varying degrees of severity,meaning, and implication for each individual or circumstance.For example, the conflict that is experienced in our current,daily lives seems insignificant in comparison to the Samurai, orthose in war, who faced death on a regular basis. However, it isstill important to extrapolate the significant lessons that havebeen derived from such severe scenarios, as these notions arestill applicable in the conflict that we experience in theworkplace and life today. Conflict is unavoidable, as each individual has unique anddiffering thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Therefore, it isimportant to learn ways to minimize and manage this difficulty,in order to ensure efficient and harmonious interactions. Thisarticle provides the genesis of a personal path, introducingtools and ways to minimize and manage conflict, while pointingto the origin of these concepts. After an overview of thesemodern and ancient approaches, a discussion will follow onapplying successful tools and techniques for managing conflict.These ideas can be used to help clear the mind for betterdecision-making, and consequently, ensure a personal pathway tosuccess.
New approaches to ancient concepts Profound strategies andlessons to minimize and manage conflict have been around forthousands of years in forms such as the classic Chinese textsthe “Book of Change – Tao de Ching” and the “Art of War”. Today,modern legends including Stephen Covey (“7 Habits for HighlyEffective People”) and Dale Carnegie present similar corporateand personal tools. As many know the “7 Habits” is not a groupof new concepts, but age-old approaches to success and conflictmanagement, represented in a way that can be clearly applied tomodern day personal and corporate development. Discovering the origin & foundation of concepts Although many ofthe true ancient concepts have been exaggerated or misusedthrough incorrect interpretations, they can be applied innon-extreme forms relevant to the modern day from such arts as:Zen (which is not a religion, but a path for self discovery andgrowth), the “Art of War” by Sun Tzu (the classic text onstrategy which is often regarded as the most definitive text onthe topic), and the Tao de Ching (the “book of change”). Theseall provide profound lessons for leadership, change, success,peace of mind and conflict management. A workplace example – an tense group meeting debating a topic Ifone has to enter a meeting with a number of staff peers on atopic that is likely to require an intense debate, a strategycan be put into place to help provide a successful outcome (thisshould be combined with the other approaches outlined below).For example, one can approach the members of the meetingindividually prior to the meeting to convey your preferredposition. Once the meeting has started you will hopefullyalready have likely confrontational people already “on-side” toachieve your desired outcome in a non-confrontational way. The Key to Managing Conflict: bringing it all together, andapplying it today All the above methods (old and new) are aboutchanging core behavior and approaches, in order to avoidconflict and simultaneously achieve personal success. As Sun Tzu states: “If you know yourself and know others – you will be successful.If you know others and not yourself, you will win one and loseone. If you do not know others and do not know yourself, you aredestined for failure in every battle.” These are core values, and far more important than puttingband-aids on problems, or approaching things with simply ashort-term change. In regard to the ancient philosophies, theyof course must be interpreted, and applied, using case studiesand real world examples in a context that matches the moderncorporate world. Applied Zen (www.AppliedZen.com) is a companythat provides workshops, and downloadable videos online,regarding these exact topics with a unique approach. This isachieved through implementation of physical interaction drillsto reinforce the concepts covered in workshop presentations.Studies have shown that learning conflict management based onphysical as well as mental practice greatly increases theparticipants’ retention, and consequently, aids inimplementation (more than 2 to 3 fold improvement). Aggressiveescalation of conflict Conflict is derived from manycircumstances, but
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quite regularly it can be escalated becauseof a person’s approach to the situation. In the Japaneselanguage, there are two words that help to describe this: aikiand kiai. These words are derived from the same two characters,and are simply reversed to convey an opposite meaning. Kiai is aform of showing intensity and channelling it towards anindividual, and in the martial arts ‘kiai’ is a very loud,expulsion of air and voice to intimidate or scare an opponent.Aiki is the opposite of head-to-head approaches and allows oneto avoid escalating conflict (hence the martial art “Aiki-do”).Yet the approach still incorporates assertiveness a keyattribute in any successful negotiation. Consider for a momentwhich concept would be most beneficial in dealing with conflictin a meeting at work or your personal life: kiai, or aiki? “Showsoftness yet engage the opponent with hardness. Show weaknessyet engage with fluid strength” Obviously aiki is morepractical, and will produce a more desired outcome. If we listenwith the intent to understand - not to respond, if we get allour thoughts together before we confront another person, we canstrategically work with someone to maintain our own balance andnot produce antagonism in the person with whom we are dealing.“Reaching a centered state, so I can perform at my best” Havingan open mind, and a relaxed physical and mental state willensure I have an approach which is non-confrontational andprovide a first step to maganging or avoiding conflict. Anapproach of aligning your thoughts and actions, and taking amoment to breathe and release tension, will create a morerelaxed state within yourself as well as the person you aredealing with. This approach will enable you to convey yourpoints in a way that your opponent will be unable to avoid orrefuse. Settling oneself creates a calm and open mind: you areable to listen, think, and respond (in this order), and this ispositively received by others. If you are able to settleyourself at any point (i.e. before, during, or after you feelaggression arising), others will respond to your calm, openmind, and it will put them into the same relaxed state. Invarious physical arts the importance of relaxed upper body, alow center of gravity and appropriate breathing creates thisstate. Zen and other conflict relevant arts have such Japaneseterms such as “mushin”, “mizu no kokoro” and using the “hara”(stomach area) for creating and optimal physical state formental performance. Conflict within oneself – perhaps the mostimportant conflict to understand Lessons such as “trying todefend/attack too many areas at once leaves the troops dividedand weak” from Sun Tzu can be translated to an individual. Justas Stephen Covey asks, “How thin can you spread yourself beforeyou are no longer there?”. Applying such lessons to your lifetoday can have a profound impact on personal conflict – don’ttake on more than you can handle, or you will begin to sacrificethe very essence of who you are. Although it is not directconflict between two people, it is still relevant. If you haveconflict within yourself, you are destined to have conflict withothers. You will understand that conflict is not merely theapparent external problems – it also involves each individualand his/her conflicts within. Sharpen the sword… This article provides and introduction tosome of the methods and principles used in Applied Zen corporatetraining (www.AppliedZen.com). Businesses and individualseverywhere are using these philosophies to manage conflict moreeffectively and to achieve success. Therefore, it is essentialto train one’s skills & endure ongoing development. As theancient Samurai saying states, “Continuously sharpen the sword,or it will go blunt!” Definition of Conflict, Merriam/Webster Dictionary: 1 : FIGHT,BATTLE, WAR 2 a : competitive or opposing action ofincompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergentideas, interests, or persons) b : mental struggle resulting fromincompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external orinternal demands 3 : the opposition of persons or forces thatgives rise to the dramatic action in a drama or fiction Copyright 2005 by Dr. Jason Armstrong and Dana Buchman About the author:Jason Armstrong, Ph.D., has worked at CEO levels in Japan, theUSA, & Australia. He has also consulted for large multi-nationalcompanies in Japan and has specialized in the "Art of War" formore than 20 years. He has worked in both Venture Capital andBiotech Industries. Today he runs www.AppliedZen.com , whichconducts workshops in the USA Australia and Japan.
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